Last night in Orange County until March. Right now I'm feeling torn between where I'll spend my summer. Should I stay in SF? Should I go home? Really....where I'll be is dictated by where I'll find my job.

This year. I feel like I have so much more in terms of material items. I bought my own prada bag. I bought my mom a treadmill. I buy my friends more expensive presents because I can. I can eat out without worrying about money. I tip better. I have a lot of the things I didn't used to have. Car, nice cell phone, macbook, ipod. All the things I longed for. They make life easier, but they don't define my life. I'm still struggling with the hatred for my Dad's family. I still feel the resentment. I still feel jaded and hurt. I still feel the fire in my veins, which means maybe a part of me cares about my wretched family. or maybe a large part of me just wants to belong. A large part of me wants to have a normal family that eats dinner on thanksgiving. that call each other. that text message. send emails. go to recitals. come over for dinner. love each other.